A couple of weeks ago, up at the farm, in front of a beautiful bonfire, glass of red in hand, piece of lovely goat’s cheese on a cracker, my beloved attempted to voice a concern. “Honey, it’s about Jeremy and Lachlan. I’m not sure, um…….”. The conversation explored the topic of teen relationships, what we were like as teens (very naughty by the sounds of it) and same sex relationships, something of which my beloved is very accepting. He does not have children but he takes an active interest in mine, as I take an interest in his dogs and we clash on occasion over both. But in raising the topic he voiced a secret concern of mine as well.
Jeremy is 16, but biologically a girl. Lachlan is older but biologically a boy. I would be a fool to ignore biology.
Out of respect for Jeremy I will not expose past exploits or errors, let’s just say that there were times that I wished that our relationship was less open and that I was less forgiving. Jeremy felt the end of my marriage keenly and his relationship with his father, as it deteriorated, led Jeremy into some rebellions that were natural but also at times scary for momma and daughter. The expressed themselves in hair colour and dress and facial adornments among other less tangible things.
But back to Jeremy and Lachlan. Lachlan has been a friend since last year and a frequent visitor to our house. He a lovely, articulate and intelligent young man. He identifies as bisexual. He extended me the courtesy of asking if he could date Jeremy. Having had an older boyfriend myself as a 16 year old I felt hypocritical to deny Jeremy the company of someone I really liked on the basis of age. They have been dating for a couple of months now and have the usual ups and downs as a couple.
I have been blessed this year to have my eyes opened by my beloved to the true nature of a relationship where two individuals meet as equals. The question about Jeremy and Lachlan and what happens between them is one that belongs to them. They have given me reassurances and I trust them. They show each other great respect as individuals.
I think back to something that Jeremy’s father said to me once, that he knew that Jeremy was a liar because he is one and it takes one to know one. I have always been honest with my children and hope that they are with me. I challenge that statement by Jeremy’s father, I have been told fibs about school work and if the dog poo has been collected but the really big things have been spoken about honestly. Sometimes that honesty has cut to the core. Mostly it has meant that whatever situation my child has found himself in could be dealt with with the help and wisdom of an adult.
So in facing the dilemma of my child dating someone older and the biology of the situation, I have to trust.
The photo was taken up at the farm, and Jeremy is standing next to?