Monthly Archives: March 2014

I delight in my offspring.  Jeremy is a bundle of passions, opinions, sardonic observations and wild exaggerations.  I hesitate to rein him in but sometimes he has to be reminded that accuracy wins more brownie points in interactions with others than global statements.  The current hair colour is blue and the sides of his head received the bare blade of the clippers treatment on Monday.  I love hanging out with him, he said recently that his friends remark on our positive relationship.  Every day joys make life easier.

The term is now into week 8, time has flown for us.  But I noticed last week that J was pouncing on me the minute that I walked through the door.  Jeremy has always wanted to unload at the end of the day but this behaviour was different. Now Jeremy is very sure that schooling from home is the right course for him.  He is certainly very settled and academically all is going well.  But it seemed that he missed the interactions that go with going to school, even though so many of those interactions were stressful.  So on went thinking caps because if J was struggling with isolation during the first term then we had to do something concrete to address that.  Jeremy does have a number of regular social catch ups, so we talked about how important it was to ensure that he could get to those, Taco Tuesday, Friday night bbq’s by the Yarra, We have a plan!

Then, as sometimes happens, a colleague rescued a little black cat and couldn’t keep it.  She was smitten by this little cat and talked about how pretty the cat was and how sweet natured.  It has been 12 years since I dipped my toe into cat ownership, and that last time was disastrous. Yet, Jeremy has longed for another cat.  So I made a quick call to him and then made the decision that we should take this little one in.  She is now known as Salem and her green eyes are as amazing as Jeremy’s grey ones.  They are having so much fun, Salem loves cuddles and pats and curling up next to Jeremy.  She has become more settled and adventurous every day, walking along the back of the couch, peering onto plates to see if there are any treats for cats, and she talks and talks and talks.

Right now, Salem is settled on Jeremy’s knee, they have had a talk about cats on the internet (a subject that Salem showed little interest in), Salem has tried to convince us that chocolate ice cream is a cat treat (she has been told otherwise) my baby is revelling in love and a little rescued cat knows she is the newest princess in our palace.

If every person took responsibility for their words and actions, if every person made a commitment to call bullying, negativity, nasty mean behaviour for what it is then so much intolerance and negativity would be wiped away.  To do this though, you have to be brave, brave enough that when you do name the behaviour and receive the inevitable backlash you can still stand tall, head held high, knowing that what you do is a step towards a better world.

There are times when being brave is easy, when passion stirs you to actions you couldn’t imagine yourself capable of doings.  Times when you come out fangs bared, claws out ready to draw blood, ready to take down the enemy.  This bravery is spurred by adrenaline and isn’t always rational, it is the fierce primal protection of that which you hold dearest.  Then there is another kind of bravery, the kind that makes you get out of bed and face the world when all you want to do is curl up under the covers.  Jeremy demonstrated this kind of bravery over and over last year when facing school.  Then there is the quiet bravery, that stands against injustice, unfairness, discrimination and says no more, then says again no more and won’t go away.  I see women be brave all the time for others, but being brave for yourself is a different less intuitive skill.

I’m not brave, not all the time.  I try, but there are times when bravery fails me.  Or maybe it is better characterised as strength failing me.  I feel like I have been walking in shadows for a long time, sometimes it’s brighter than others, sometimes it’s darker and that’s ok.  I am working towards a more often brighter than not future.  As Jeremy started to generally be brighter, happier, more content I had time with my own thoughts and faced the realisation that I had expended so much energy in parenting and working and running a home that there was no energy, no mental space left for me as an individual.

My mind has dark corners and old wounds that have festered unexamined.  I feel them as a palpable presence like unwanted visitors proclaiming their opinions in loud and insistent voices.  They have been companions for so long I have altered my reality around them.  Jeremy has such a long journey ahead and I see my role as being able to support him through that.  I will need to be resilient and inspiring and wrap a physical and mental blanket around him when needed.  Intuitively I feel I need to shine light into all the dark corners rout out the negative and to heal.  I need time to get to that position of strength, and time thankfully is something we have.  The first steps have been so confronting, leaving me feeling empty, and fragile.  But each time the light is brighter.

Standing on the precipice of transformation is scary,