Brave hearts trump sour attitudes

17 Mar

If every person took responsibility for their words and actions, if every person made a commitment to call bullying, negativity, nasty mean behaviour for what it is then so much intolerance and negativity would be wiped away.  To do this though, you have to be brave, brave enough that when you do name the behaviour and receive the inevitable backlash you can still stand tall, head held high, knowing that what you do is a step towards a better world.

There are times when being brave is easy, when passion stirs you to actions you couldn’t imagine yourself capable of doings.  Times when you come out fangs bared, claws out ready to draw blood, ready to take down the enemy.  This bravery is spurred by adrenaline and isn’t always rational, it is the fierce primal protection of that which you hold dearest.  Then there is another kind of bravery, the kind that makes you get out of bed and face the world when all you want to do is curl up under the covers.  Jeremy demonstrated this kind of bravery over and over last year when facing school.  Then there is the quiet bravery, that stands against injustice, unfairness, discrimination and says no more, then says again no more and won’t go away.  I see women be brave all the time for others, but being brave for yourself is a different less intuitive skill.

I’m not brave, not all the time.  I try, but there are times when bravery fails me.  Or maybe it is better characterised as strength failing me.  I feel like I have been walking in shadows for a long time, sometimes it’s brighter than others, sometimes it’s darker and that’s ok.  I am working towards a more often brighter than not future.  As Jeremy started to generally be brighter, happier, more content I had time with my own thoughts and faced the realisation that I had expended so much energy in parenting and working and running a home that there was no energy, no mental space left for me as an individual.

My mind has dark corners and old wounds that have festered unexamined.  I feel them as a palpable presence like unwanted visitors proclaiming their opinions in loud and insistent voices.  They have been companions for so long I have altered my reality around them.  Jeremy has such a long journey ahead and I see my role as being able to support him through that.  I will need to be resilient and inspiring and wrap a physical and mental blanket around him when needed.  Intuitively I feel I need to shine light into all the dark corners rout out the negative and to heal.  I need time to get to that position of strength, and time thankfully is something we have.  The first steps have been so confronting, leaving me feeling empty, and fragile.  But each time the light is brighter.

Standing on the precipice of transformation is scary,

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Posted by on March 17, 2014 in Uncategorized


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