Monthly Archives: June 2015

Hi all!!

I initially promised a sneak peek at the book so have selected one of my favourite parts from chapter three, where Jeremy starts telling people about his journey.

Check out the site for my extract from the book and what you will get in return for supporting us. The smallest amount will help us get on our way towards being able to keep a roof over our heads while I power through getting this story out in the public domain.

“Parenting Jeremy” go fund me

It may be evident to people that mum has not been working lately.  She has been looking for work but at the same time she has been spending time supporting me in my studies and with my medical appointments now that I have started my testosterone shots.

She’s also been writing my story as book.  But we could use a little help to get the word out.

Finishing Parenting Jeremy

Mum has set up a Go Fund Me – and I would like to ask:

• If you can, donate
• If you can’t please share

A small hand will mean the ability to make this book about me a reality.

In the next couple of days watch out for the list of thank you gifts for our supporters and extracts from the book so far.

Hugs

Jeremy

Another week, another step in our journey, Jeremy’s third testosterone shot is today, and we may even have it all down to a fine art of pre-lodging a prescription to cut down on hospital visits.

The physical changes are small but still noticeable, his voice is starting to change, there are a small yet definite number of real facial hairs on his chin, he’s even closed that weeny gap in height between himself and his brother.

In the middle of doing school work and paid work and socialising J had an upset moment.

When he was very little his small chubby hands would grab my face and say to me “Mummy listen to me”.  This bright spark bubbled on and on and on and on singing songs and telling stories that as a busy mum sometimes the important stuff got missed.  Often the “Mummy listen to me moments” were tales of woe, easily addressed with a hug and agreement that Minka the cat was a bugger, or that it wasn’t fair that Lukey didn’t want to share the PlayStation all the time then a discussion about other people needing space or the cat not being the kind of cat who wanted to be dressed up.

Now as an adult the day is filled with snippets of information, the flow is still constant and he gets frustrated.  Sometimes, just sometimes, he needs full attention.  This very social creature has greater expectations of the people around him, he does not have the every day exchange of conversation that his nature needs that people who are employed or at school have.  He fills his day with the everyday chit chat and the important stuff that needs full attention sometimes gets lost in the babble.

Last week he did the adult equivalent of “Mummy listen to me” face grab.  He told me that when he talks to people he gets ignored and that he is puzzled and hurt, do people not like him?.  I’m unsure how people ignore him, and then I get it.  In a world where we reduce messages to 140 characters, blog posts, texts, people keep conversation to a minimum here is Jeremy who craves a more fulsome interaction.  His nature needs  long in depth conversations about cabbages and kings, politics, snake handling or whatever topic is occupying his mind.  He needs a friend or two who will join in the conversation.  Salem is a good companion but her cat conversations are limited.  J is lucky that he has in his circle an amazing young woman who has been a friend since they were six years old. She listens and laughs and contributes, her own journey has been fraught and she shares her experiences openly and with trust and love.  Sadly she lives in Canberra so face to face conversations are limited.  But that is a vital connection for J and he knows that friendship can be that complete and rewarding.

Perhaps the solution for J is to find a happy middle ground.  We can’t all of us be all things to all people at all times.  He admits that acknowledging that something has nothing to do with him is hard, and he is working on it.  Maybe he needs to realise that often people are not ignoring him but that they are involved with their own lives and problems, that to get the kind of conversation that he craves he needs to be clear with the people that he talks to and to be selective about his audience, to acknowledge that not everyone can articulate their thoughts and feelings with the skill that he can and often people are uncomfortable with such self examination to be able to respond fully.  By directing his communication he will get a better response, be more fulfilled, be a better friend and in turn receive better friendship and, like those awesome Galileo thermometers, people in his life will find their levels.

I worked hard in my professional life to be able to listen and problem solve for others, to seek solutions.  To be able to use that skill again for Jeremy is a delight.

Recently I have responded to numerous posts from parents asking “How do I respond to my conservative / Christian family about my transgender child?”

To me Jeremy has always been a child who walks in the light of God, a miraculous being with the blended gifts of intelligence, practicality, empathy and tremendous good looks.  Nothing could be a greater testament to the existence of an intelligent and loving God than my precious baby.  I have always known it instinctively so when asked the question I knew that I would have to go looking, confident of a good outcome.  The New Testament is so full of love and joy I was sure I would find inspirational words.  Instead I found these words contained in Psalm 139:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

So commonly I heard that families say, in arguing that a child is transgender, “God doesn’t make mistakes”.  Psalm 139 says that God knows, even before we are born, what our lives will look like. The path of a transgender child, and adult, is different, but certainly is not a mistake in any sense of the word.   I love the thought that, even before you are born, your path is there.  There is free will, of course, we are not automatons or dolls in a cosmic dollhouse.  But knowing that despite the challenges that come with being transgender, or the parent of a transgender child, God knows that you have the strength to walk this different path is tremendously comforting for me.

I’ve been pretty angry with God these last few years, and lately his whole divine plan for me seems more like a cosmic joke.  I also know that eventually the meaning of this part of my life journey will become clear and I hope I will carry away the lessons of patience and strength that I have had to learn.  Maybe I will even learn that I am ok just as I am, and then the just as I am will be ok too.

Not everyone believes in a higher power, I respect their beliefs.  I would ask that others respect mine.

When I last wrote I thought I was writing from a place of positivism because I had woken up that morning.  It was pretty evident to those who know me that I was far from well and their contact helped me see that and I sought help. I have now woken up another 12 mornings, surrounded by the same love that has been there all the time, just able to see it more. So thank you.  Jeremy thanks you too.