To me Jeremy has always been a child who walks in the light of God, a miraculous being with the blended gifts of intelligence, practicality, empathy and tremendous good looks. Nothing could be a greater testament to the existence of an intelligent and loving God than my precious baby. I have always known it instinctively so when asked the question I knew that I would have to go looking, confident of a good outcome. The New Testament is so full of love and joy I was sure I would find inspirational words. Instead I found these words contained in Psalm 139:
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
So commonly I heard that families say, in arguing that a child is transgender, “God doesn’t make mistakes”. Psalm 139 says that God knows, even before we are born, what our lives will look like. The path of a transgender child, and adult, is different, but certainly is not a mistake in any sense of the word. I love the thought that, even before you are born, your path is there. There is free will, of course, we are not automatons or dolls in a cosmic dollhouse. But knowing that despite the challenges that come with being transgender, or the parent of a transgender child, God knows that you have the strength to walk this different path is tremendously comforting for me.
I’ve been pretty angry with God these last few years, and lately his whole divine plan for me seems more like a cosmic joke. I also know that eventually the meaning of this part of my life journey will become clear and I hope I will carry away the lessons of patience and strength that I have had to learn. Maybe I will even learn that I am ok just as I am, and then the just as I am will be ok too.
Not everyone believes in a higher power, I respect their beliefs. I would ask that others respect mine.
When I last wrote I thought I was writing from a place of positivism because I had woken up that morning. It was pretty evident to those who know me that I was far from well and their contact helped me see that and I sought help. I have now woken up another 12 mornings, surrounded by the same love that has been there all the time, just able to see it more. So thank you. Jeremy thanks you too.
June 12, 2015 at 9:26 am
I’m glad that you are still here 12 days later. I hope that those 12 days later keep piling up on each other. Sometimes we have to take what might feel like the tiniest steps as the huge victories that they really are.