Monthly Archives: February 2015

Saying goodbye 

I came to a turning point about 12 months ago when I read an article by Mary Jacklyn Moss. In the article she talks about when her child transitioned and had she lost her child the sympathy would have been different.

I get it.

I delight every day in the happy healthy academically successful son who bounced into my life two years ago. He is a delight and I love him, I fight for him, I nurture him. I would not change him.

But two years on and I carry a huge secret. I still cry for Kate. Not every day. It’s no longer overwhelming. But I mourn my baby girl. It would be unnatural if I didn’t. Kate was a part of my life for nearly sixteen years. I would mourn the loss of anything that has been in my life for that long, of course I miss my daughter. Some of that grief is now stronger that we are so close to the start of hormone treatment. I need to be aware of that too.

Grief is a process and one that should be honoured. It is the acknowledgement that something precious has passed and the loss is felt and there is a memory to be treasured.  It cannot be rushed, it is a place of healing and knowing and no words can erase the effect.  By being open and honest with your feelings you can also heal and move forward.

So often I see posts from mums who are on board with transition but dads who aren’t, or vice versa, or parents who are trying but struggling. To you all I say “It’s ok. Cry, yell at God, pray, remember. Just don’t be overwhelmed. The child you gave birth to is a miracle. The person they have become is a miracle. Acknowledge the loss of one but embrace the joy of the other. When you think that you can’t go on, remind yourself that your success rate as a parent is pretty awesome and you can do this too.”

My daughter will always have a special place in my heart. Jeremy has a special place in my heart. They are equally precious. And as time goes on, and Jeremy becomes a more familiar entity I hope he always understands that every now and again I will need to look deep into his eyes to lose myself in the memory of my daughter.

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Posted by on February 26, 2015 in Uncategorized


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Babies and blood tests

An appointment at the RCH today was kind of like a goalpost – is this the day that we will use to mark pre and post?  Is this the day that we will look back on as the day of change?

We have been waiting and waiting for today’s appointment with J’s pediatrician to get blood tests and to discuss some options.

I learned that Jeremy may be able to have a baby.  It’s not likely, but biologically he could still carry a child.  The testosterone will stop his menstrual cycle and make lots of other biological changes.  Some of those changes may reverse if he decides to stop testosterone.  Some changes will not be reversible.  Testosterone does not mean that J will have to have his ovaries and uterus removed although there are recommendation about time-frames when that can happen and what J should do if he doesn’t have surgery.

I kind of get disgruntled when I think about those who transition from male to female.  In regards to considering fertility they have an option to freeze semen and that technology is well tested and collecting semen is not an invasive process.  For those who transition from female to male it is a different prospect.  The technology to freeze eggs is not as reliable and the process to harvest eggs is the same as for someone undergoing IVF – hormones to stimulate egg production then harvesting which is a medical procedure.  So knowing that, why would you take that step?

How do you ask a 17 year old to make a decision about parenthood?  This kid struggles to get dirty laundry into the machine, can he really know that he does not want to be a parent?  Yet this, like so many other aspects of Jeremy’s journey,is placed into the hands of the universe.

We have nine weeks until J’s 18th birthday. It’s time to take some steps – Friday we change Jeremy’s name and gender marker on the medicare card.  Then we should get his name legally changed so that his 18+ card has the right name and gender.

Jeremy’s 18th birthday is a Saturday this year.  The following Tuesday he will have his first dose of testosterone.  I think both days will ones to raise a glass of beautiful bubbles to toast milestones.


Posted by on February 3, 2015 in Uncategorized