An appointment at the RCH today was kind of like a goalpost – is this the day that we will use to mark pre and post? Is this the day that we will look back on as the day of change?
We have been waiting and waiting for today’s appointment with J’s pediatrician to get blood tests and to discuss some options.
I learned that Jeremy may be able to have a baby. It’s not likely, but biologically he could still carry a child. The testosterone will stop his menstrual cycle and make lots of other biological changes. Some of those changes may reverse if he decides to stop testosterone. Some changes will not be reversible. Testosterone does not mean that J will have to have his ovaries and uterus removed although there are recommendation about time-frames when that can happen and what J should do if he doesn’t have surgery.
I kind of get disgruntled when I think about those who transition from male to female. In regards to considering fertility they have an option to freeze semen and that technology is well tested and collecting semen is not an invasive process. For those who transition from female to male it is a different prospect. The technology to freeze eggs is not as reliable and the process to harvest eggs is the same as for someone undergoing IVF – hormones to stimulate egg production then harvesting which is a medical procedure. So knowing that, why would you take that step?
How do you ask a 17 year old to make a decision about parenthood? This kid struggles to get dirty laundry into the machine, can he really know that he does not want to be a parent? Yet this, like so many other aspects of Jeremy’s journey,is placed into the hands of the universe.
We have nine weeks until J’s 18th birthday. It’s time to take some steps – Friday we change Jeremy’s name and gender marker on the medicare card. Then we should get his name legally changed so that his 18+ card has the right name and gender.
Jeremy’s 18th birthday is a Saturday this year. The following Tuesday he will have his first dose of testosterone. I think both days will ones to raise a glass of beautiful bubbles to toast milestones.
Parenting Jeremy - a gender journey 
Kat
February 3, 2015 at 12:02 pm
Kris has also had to think about this- he wants kids, is unsure about going through the egg harvesting process with no idea of what the odds are of success and considered the idea of possibly giving birth BUT at 21, he just doesn’t know.
Rachel
February 4, 2015 at 10:58 pm
FWIW Just for perspective, I have to say (as a girl) I found every part of it (“harvesting” semen) even the suggestion I was capable of such a thing, incredibly invasive.
Self hatred, disgust and revulsion are the feelings that well in me (even now) at the thought of it, I wanted to be dead.
I couldn’t do it, so I didn’t. I’m not supposed to be a “father” anyway, and no matter which way you shape it…..
I’d do anything, I’d probably even kill for just the smallest chance to be a mother and it guts me every day that I’ll never have it, never “know” that, not to mention that I’ll never make the man I love (he’s beautiful, but hey, maybe that’s the rose coloured glasses talking, you could tell me all about how things don’t always work out how you planned right?), a father
I’m sorry if you’re disgruntled, but you’re wrong.
As for Jeremy, life isn’t easy (no-one ever promised it would be did they?) maybe he’ll need to make a choice before he’s ready, or before YOU BELIEVE he is, sadly that’s life, you do the best you can and learn to live with your own humanity and forgive yourself for it.
What will make things easier for him is if you make sure to let his decision be about what HE wants/needs.
I’m only pretty young, so do with my comment what you will, but I’ll say that I’d have made a damn good mother (and may still if we can adopt as we hope), because unlike most “breeders” I already know that parenthood has absolutely NOTHING to do with what *I* want or need for/from my kids, that it is a fact of life that I’ll screw up and that anyone who judges me had best make sure they don’t show even the smallest of their own imperfections or insecurities around me.
Just do the best you both can under the circumstances, if you do that there can be no regrets when all is said and done.
P.S you Mexicans SERIOUSLY need to learn how to drive.
totallyterrifictigerista
February 4, 2015 at 11:10 pm
I’m not disgruntled and that is certainly not the intent of this blog. It’s a confronting topic for both parents and the child transitioning, because J is a child. I honour and respect all aspects of his journey.
What he chooses to do is his decision and he has my support.
P.S. We learned to drive in our home state, Qld 🙂
Rachel
February 4, 2015 at 11:15 pm
P.p.s at least Jeremy has someone to hold his hand and make him know that no matter what he decides he’ll be loved.
A few of us weren’t much (or any) older than him and already had no-one.
And THAT is when things are get scary.
Peace to you both.
Rachel
February 4, 2015 at 11:16 pm
QLD! Oh god.
totallyterrifictigerista
February 4, 2015 at 11:22 pm
My heart goes out to you all, I’d take you all in and mother you if I could!
Rachel
February 4, 2015 at 11:47 pm
Not your job sweet’s, those of us who needed to got through it and whilst we’re sad at our losses, we’re always thrilled to come across blogs like this and mothers like you. 🙂